The Noisy Indian Traveller!

In the last few years, Indians have been travelling abroad like never before. On vacations, for jobs, on business trips, on incentive tours, for studies, to meet their kids and the like. So, travelling abroad is no longer a “class divide” in India as it was a couple of decades ago. So far so good. But along with this, it has also brought to the fore another race called the “Noisy Indian traveler” – one who lacks the basic etiquette.

Last night on my return flight from Beijing to Mumbai via Bangkok, all was well in the 1st leg till Bangkok with very few of us Indians in the flight.  But in the 2nd leg, it was a full house from Bangkok to Mumbai with many returning Indians on the plane. Just as we settled down in our seats, ruckus started with 3/4 passengers from Gujarat talking and laughing loudly non-stop. Quite obviously they were under the influence of alcohol and repeating among themselves the same lines one being – Aap, Mein aur Bagpiper!!! They were refusing to take their seats and finally one of the crew members had to politely but firmly request them to settle down so that the flight can take off. The guys settled down after getting commitment on their share of Whisky and Vodka once the flight takes off!!!  While this was going on, the rest of us were squirming in our seats with embarrassment.

Was this an isolated episode? Nope. Few months ago on a Srilankan Airways flight from Colombo to Chennai, the situation was similar. This time with a few raucous folks who are called “Kuruvis” doing the odd courier jobs. For almost 40 minutes after boarding the plane, a group of 20 guys were stuffing and re-stuffing their bags, littering the cabin, arguing with the cabin staff who were asking them to put the baggage in the overhead cabin and carrying out business transactions loudly literally exchanging notes before they were all forced to settle down by a harried crew.  Once the flight took off and the “fasten your seat belts” sign went off, these guys were back on their feet trying to pack/unpack their stuff once again!!! Followed by the usual haggling for hard drinks and more and more peanuts on that very short one hour flight!!!

Not just in the planes. We Indians are noisy and create a furore everywhere we travel. Like I saw once a group of Indian tourists at Sentosa, Singapore waiting for the elevator among many tourists of different nationalities suddenly starting a loud countdown. Much to the chagrin of those waiting there and embarrassment of fellow Indians!

I can go on and on with more such episodes. You get the drift anyway.

I am now told that in places like Singapore, Thailand, … which are increasingly popular with the Noisy Indian traveler – the local tourist agencies are wary and have started to handout a set of Does and Don’ts to Indians which include of course being on time and being less noisy.  And it seems Airlines have separate training modules on how to handle rogue passengers from this part of the world!

Is this lout behavior – a culture thing? Or a “GDP” thing? Or a literate illiterate thing? Or a combination?? I find it difficult to comprehend and conclude either way.

The Chinese I find also are generally noisy people. They talk loudly among themselves. But I don’t see them behaving like we do while travelling.

I am certain that this behavior has nothing to do with the “Education” thing – for many of the fellow travelers I see are certainly not the illiterate variety. These are all educated folks but with no life education!

Has this got to do with the economic growth of a country? In the sense as a country gets better with economic growth, do these kind of behavior come down?  Probably. But, am not sure.

So in India we have a dual problem. One is to get people to behave well “with” tourists in India so they leave with a lasting positive impression about our country. The other is to get people to behave well “as” tourists when they travel!  I think both are important. In the end, “we the people” are the brand ambassadors of the so called Incredible India! As of now, the brand ambassadors are doing a lousy job for sure!

In any case, it is high time etiquette training is brought in as part of our curriculum in schools and we try to mend behavior while young.  At home we as parents must give equal importance to “up bringing” as much as “bringing up” our kids!!  Lest the world will soon label the Noisy Indian traveler as lousy too and slam the doors!

Vox populi, vox Dei!!!

So finally Jallikattu happened.  May not be with the usual pomp and religious fervour. But with a lot of pride and chest thumping. After all, it was only made possible thanks to the collective will of the Tamil people which made the Governments heed to their demand for revoking the ban on Jallikattu.  A ban which dates back 3 years. The Jallikattu bull was tamed after the TN Government and the Central Government fixed the judicial match hurriedly by passing an ordinance in its favour. I say hurriedly because the passing of the ordinance didn’t happen after elaborate discussions.  Or after considerations of pros and cons.  May not be even after looking at different perspectives and after effects.  In all the 3 years they had as it should be when laws are made/amended. This happened as a knee jerk reaction to the people’s movement which overtook the streets of Chennai first and www soon which rattled the already tentative State Government. As is the wont these days, social media played its part to the “T” in mobilizing people at will.  Vox populi (Voice of the people) won the day!

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As expected, this immediately triggered protests in the neigbouring state of Karnataka to lift the ban on its bull sport the Kambala. As we speak, attempts are underway to copy/paste the “Marina Model” the get the sport going. Going by the initial response of the Govt. it appears like Win No. 2 for Vox populi!

And this may not be the last. Inspired by these wins, more and more causes – some genuine and some not will be taken up in the streets and in social media. The conventional media in its quest to stay relevant will play the dutiful bridesmaid. Unlike the traditional yesterday’s protests which were pretty much local in nature that can be quelled by a lathi charge or a tear gas burst, the modern day protests which play smartly in smart phones and minds of interested people all over the world are impossible to control.  Ergo, more often than not Governments of the day are likely to succumb to the “viral” pressure and pass/amend laws that will pander to the campaigners, the genuineness of the cause notwithstanding.

The moot question is “What’s wrong with Vox populi?” After all in a democracy a Government is supposed to be “Of the People, By the People and For the People”. So if the people willed in favour of a particular thing, shouldn’t the Government just go by the flow? If majority of people want a change isn’t it the duty of the Government to bring about that change? I think the answer to these questions are more nuanced than it seems at the outset.

In a democracy a Government is formed by a party/dispensation which has the majority vote. Indeed it owes its ascendancy to power to the people who voted in its favour. However once in power, it’s no more a Government for just the people who voted for it. It is supposed to be an inclusive Government for all its citizens. Hence it becomes necessary to look at all sides of the issue before a law is made or amended. Precisely the reason why in India, we have an Upper house called the Rajya Sabha which has indirectly elected and nominated members from various walks of life as members. Rajya Sabha also has to pass any legislation apart from Lok Sabha if it has to become a law. Like India, most of the democratic countries have their own checks and balances by which an inclusive view is taken while appropriating any law.

In that sense, more and more wins for Vox populi is a dangerous trend. Bucking the trend would mean that the Government of the day at times would have to ignore the raucous voice of its own constituency in taking a stand on certain issues. In a pure political sense this is easier blogged than done! What is easy and convenient of course is to say Vox populi, vox Dei (Voice of People is Voice of God) or its desi equivalent in TamilMakkal Theerpe Mahesan Theerpu and move on.

How I wish Abraham Lincoln actually said – “Government Of the People, By the People For All People shall not perish from the Earth”!!!

Untying the Jallikattu Ban!

First things first. I have not seen Jallikattu live in my life. My 1st exposure to this was in a Tamil film – Veerapandiya Kattabomman, a period film set in the British era. Known more for the histrionics of the Tamil Actor Shivaji Ganesan, the film has a memorable Jallikattu sequence. Gemini Ganesan, another popular actor of that time, who plays the part of Vellaya Thevan tames a supposedly very arrogant bull owned by a girl (part played by Padmini) after many others fail that too for many years. Going by that Jallikattu scene where it’s all fun and gaiety one would wonder what the fuss is all about! Gemini in fact gets to marry Padmini as a reward for the taming her bull.  These days though, there has not been a continuation of this aspect of culture and the rewards stop at cash offerings. Though there are other films with Jallikattu scenes, I would say that a very authentic portrayal of Jallikattu (watch here) was in Kamal Haasan’s film Virumaandi. Kamal who also scripted and directed the film used the setting in general and Jallikattu in particular as a metaphor to show the conflict ridden fault lines in that part of Tamil Nadu. Hence I was a bit surprised when he made a very flippant comment on the ongoing Jallikattu controversy last week. “Ban Biriyani if you want to ban Jallikattu”, he said. We are more used to hearing politicians make such frivolous statements but this coming from a man of intellect like Kamal was disappointing. I expected a more robust argument in favour of Jallikattu from him.

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The Supreme Court in its wisdom has banned Jallikattu in Tamil Nadu as it felt that the bulls are subjected to unnecessary pain and torture and hence against the law. So in the past 3 years, during this Pongal time when usually Jallikattu events used to take place, there is furore over the ban. Just for few days. This year has been no exception. Probably the noise has been louder. The ban on Jallikattu has created many more divides in our already diverse country. Tamil Vs Non Tamils, South Vs North, Animal Lovers vs Others, Human Rights activists Vs others and so on.

It has now boiled down to a “Culture Vs Torture” debate.  It is clearly documented that the bulls (may not be in all Jallikattu centres but predominantly) are subjected to all kinds of preparation (peppering the bull’s nostrils with chilly powder, squeezing lemon on their eyes, feeding them with alcohol,…) to get them lose their orientation before they are let out into the ring. From some of the visuals it is clear that it is an unfair “One bull Vs Many men” equation where the bull is subjected to all kinds of torture in the name of sport. I am not talking about the deaths/permanent injuries that happen to men who take part here as they participate fully aware of the dangers for their few minutes of fame and rewards. The moot question is why on earth would in a 21st century civilised society would we like to enjoy and have sadistic fun at the expense of a hapless animal?

The first answer from the “for Jallikattu” brigade is – “Jallikattu is part of our culture and tradition. It is ingrained in the psyche of Tamils for so many years. Animal rights or law cannot come in the midst of culture”. There cannot be another argument which is more specious than this.  First, in our own country we ourselves have disowned some aspects of culture and tradition which we felt are not correct and rightfully so. Second, our fall back on culture and tradition is more often than not “convenience” based and not stuck in a dogma. If tomorrow an educational institution bans “Jeans” for men – saying it’s against our Indian ethos, we will be the first to voice our opinion against such frivolous obsession with culture.  I am not for a moment saying that there is no place for culture and tradition in our lives. In dipping into culture we have to make our choices based on what is good and relevant in today’s times. Which also makes it necessary to make this cultural orientation a bit more dynamic and not written on stone.

The second argument is that “Jallikattu is also called ‘Eru Thazhuvuthal’ (Embracing the bull). Hence in a Jalli Kattu event there is no torture,.. but only an attempt to embrace the bull”. Well, if what happens to a bull in a real Jallikattu is actually called “Embracing”, then I can also say that Idli is a Gujju snack!!! In reality, it is more of “Manju Virattal” (Bull chasing) a name by which Jallikattu is also known where many men chase a rampaging bull to tame it.

The third aspect which is put forward when we talk of the ban on Jallikattu is “What about the other cruelty which happens to animals say during animal sacrifice,…??? What about Spain? What about that?” In India we now suffer severely from what I call as “Whatabouttery”! An incorrect practice being followed elsewhere or in another situation is no justification to continue with one incorrect practice. We have to wriggle out of this “Whatabouttery” and look at issues in isolation, the merits and demerits of the specific case to come to a conclusion rather than referring to other dubious practices. While on this, I must add that if there are other customs/practices which indeed are cruel to human beings and or animals I detest them as well.

The next point being made by the “For Jallikattu” group is that the Supreme Court with judges sitting in Delhi are in no position to judge on  Jallikattu – a sport which has been played during Pongal for eons in Tamil Nadu. In another words who are these high and mighty blokes sitting in Delhi and deciding on what I should do or not do in Tamil Nadu? Well, if we stretch this argument further we will come to a situation where for example to deliver a judgement on Cauvery water dispute, the judges should be from the Cauvery Delta region so that they have a “feeling” of the issue. This doesn’t fly. And I don’t think we can have one Supreme Court per every state!

It is not surprising that all the avatars of the Dravida Kazhagam in Tamil Nadu have ganged up against the Supreme Court verdict. As we speak, the state of Tamil Nadu is facing a severe drought like situation.  How would it be if all these parties come together to appeal in one voice to the Centre for assistance to get over this drought situation.  Will it not display more empathy to the farmers whose cause they claim to espouse by fighting for Jalli Kattu? Priorities anyone?

In Tamil Nadu where Politics and Films are Siamese twins, it didn’t take long for the film fraternity to throw their might behind this cause. I am not sure how many of the stars would send their sons into a Jallikattu ring every year so that their cultural connect is intact.

In general, I am not for banning this and banning that. If Jallikattu is indeed a sport which doesn’t entail cruelty or torture to the bull then we should very well continue the tradition. But that is a big IF.  The best option could be for the torch bearers of Jallikattu to come up with a set of Do’s and Don’ts which they will follow in the real spirit of the sport. That which will not cause any harm to the animal or the humans involved. The Govt. could then amend the law where necessary to allow the sport under such acceptable guidelines.  Jallikattu in its present form needs a reform.

Till then, there are other bulls to worry about. Let us (we men) tame the bull within us. It’s been having a free run of late. And let the “Bull Run” at the Stock Markets return!

Aamir and the Passion Paradox!

For few years now, Aamir Khan has been making December his own.  This year has been no exception. His latest film Dangal is well on its way to smash his own records at the Box office. The day the film opened to some positive reviews, the world’s most productive factory and the most efficient distribution channel today namely the “forward factory” and the “WhatsApp channel” got busier than usual. Some of the forwards were rants comparing the position taken by the Aamir as the protagonist in his earlier film – 3 Idiots and now in Dangal. In 3 Idiots, Aamir was shown taking a dig at the typical mindset of Indian parents who don’t let their children follow their dreams. In Dangal, as a father Aamir completely takes charge of his daughters’ destiny to achieve “his” dream of winning a Gold medal for India in Wrestling. In whole of the film there is no evidence of him trying to find if his daughters share his passion! Be that as it may, this post is not about those films or of Aamir’s so called double standards as espoused by social media.

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On the 1st day of a New Year when one is generally in a contemplative mood regarding chasing one’s dreams and passion,… the contrasting but at the same time practical themes of these 2 films of Aamir set the tone for this piece.  In the context of following one’s passion in career and life few pertinent questions arise:

  • When do we realise actually what’s our passion in life?
  • When one needs to take decisions on educational pursuit say at the age of 17/18, do we understand what’s in store in our “passion” world??
  • And do passions @ 17/18 remain passions by 40???
  • And what if the passion one chooses doesn’t provide a decent lifestyle?? Or doesn’t it matter?
  • What about the other narrative of doing something which comes your way and turn it into your passion???
  • Does it help to pursue more than one passion in life???
  • And so on.

These are complex questions with no easy answers. Hence the “Passion Paradox”! Only in an ideal world would we have all folks chasing their dreams and following their passion and be contented in life. In normal world for most, it’s an elusive chase as if you are on a tread mill!

For a lucky very few though, the passion thing falls in place nicely. They are lucky enough to identify their passion at a young age. Possess adequate talent around it. Have a supportive ecosystem at home. Exhibit a relentless drive to achieve their goals. Blessed with a bit of destiny supporting their cause to be among the best. And get handsomely rewarded for the same. Aamir Khan for example. Or a Sachin Tendulkar. But such examples are few and far between. I am sure even for Sachin there would have been days when he felt like running away from Cricket with the kind of pressure he was subjected to!

And there are some who get to pursue their passion at work on a day-to-day basis and also get paid for it. Something like what actor Kamal Haasan said of his life – “I have no complaints as I get Karumbu thinna kooli”!!! (Getting paid that too to eat Sugarcane). Or a musician for example. Even here, a passionate pursuit when it becomes an everyday battle with deadlines – it becomes a rut isn’t it??? As film critic Baradwaj Rangan an engineer by profession who incidentally left an IT career to pursue his passion of writing aptly puts it, “that following your passion, your dream, is fine, but just keep in mind that one day it becomes a job. No one tells you that, one day, the passion becomes the daily grind!!!”

So where does that leave ordinary mortals like us who don’t fit in the above 2 categories?

Here’s my personal views. Of course to each his own.

I feel that understanding one’s passion in the late teens is only “luck by chance”! For most that is a very confusing period with limited understanding of their own interests, strengths and an idea of what they want from life. As we evolve, so do our interests. So for many we get to understand our passion rather late. Having understood what gives us that inner joy, even if it’s not early in life or even if it’s not on full time basis, it is good to pick up that interest and pursue it.  This pursuit in parallel to the regular job could be indeed liberating. It could provide an exit to the everyday grind.

I do believe that unlike the previous generations, this generation and the coming ones are better placed for pursuing all sorts of dreams and passion. With more exposure comes more options and more understanding of what’s in store.  They could hopefully fit in more in the 2 categories I have mentioned. And hence less of this “Passion Paradox” for them! Or so I hope!

While on this, a big thanks to Aamir who wears passion for films on his sleeve and keeps churning out meaningful cinema while reminding us of following our passion 3 Idiots style or Dangal style!!!

On that note, my thumbs up to all to follow your passion and chase your dreams in 2017. Cheers!

Swachh, Sochalay & Soch!!!

In his 1st Independence Day speech post becoming the Prime Minister, Narendra Modi announced a dramatic and by any stretch of imagination a very ambitious goal of turning India into a ‘Swachh Bharat’ by 2019 – the 150th Birth Anniversary of Mahatma Gandhi. As far as ambitious goals for nations go, Kennedy’s – “before the decade is out of landing a man in moon and returning safely back to earth” goal set in 1961 usually comes up on top. But I would say that Modi’s goal of turning India into a Swachh Bharat is far more ambitious and audacious. Unlike ‘Project Apollo’ which only required commitment of huge resources and a focused effort from NASA, ‘Project Swachh Bharat’ required focused effort from Govt., funds, and more importantly a fundamental change in attitude of people. That too that of millions.

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2nd Oct, 2016 – Gandhi Jayanti marked the completion of the 2nd year of Swachh Bharat Abhiyan in India. As one who was and is excited about this project right from when it was announced and is keen to see it succeed, I make a conscious attempt see how the program is progressing.  So not surprising that this is my 4th post on this topic!!! And based on what I read and see at least in Mumbai where I live, I can say that while the Govt. is sincerely working to make it work, we as people are failing the same.

In 2014, after the initial months of ‘broom wielding photo ops” and “appointing Swachh Bharat Ambassadors” I guess that the Govt. realized that more serious thrust is required.  The impressive Swachh Bharat Mission Gramin & Urban websites give updates of the programs, activities and progress on real time basis.  The Swachh Bharat Mission dashboard tells us the “Before” 2014 Oct. and “After” situation on many milestones like Household toilets built, Community toilets built, Open Defecation free villages,..,… And the site also shows the progress at a state level thereby inducing competition among states to achieve their respective milestones.  And the Govt. introduced ranking of cities and towns in terms of how clean they are. The civil society picked up cue from the Prime Minister and in the first year I recall that every week there were Swachhata activities in nearby parks, community areas,…

2 years down the line, as I observe what is happening, it’s very clear that the Government has turned its focus on “Capacity building” – pouring money on building toilets and other sanitation related infrastructure as can be seen in the dashboard. Not just in villages. Even in cities like Mumbai, I am seeing “E-toilets” which have sprung up on highways. And I hope the Govt. is putting to good use the 0.5% Swachh Bharat Cess it is collecting from us.

The civil society comprising of NGO’s, Action groups,… are still carrying out their regular Swachhata activities though not as frequent or as visible as in 2014.

The Municipal administration, I see routinely carrying out cleaning exercises and then painting of walls, road dividers and other assets more frequently than before.

Awareness campaigns involving celebrities goading people to keep our cities clean,… are also quite omnipresent.

Even corporates have pitched in to support the “Cleanliness campaign” some of them expectedly weaving into their product’s marketing strategy.

The missing cog in this wheel is the attitude of the common man. What is happening there? We continue to litter in common places with gay abandon. I don’t see any remorse among people when they throw all kinds of garbage on the roads like wrappers, banana peels, cigarette buds, empty bottles, left over food,…,…!  Mumbai which is the so called commercial capital is also the “Spitting” capital of India. Here people take pride in turning their mouths to ‘Pichkaaris’ and spit wherever they are except their own houses.  “Painting the town Red” has gotten a different meaning here.  The Government could very well launch a new game called “Tukemon Go”. We could sight and catch hell of a lot of “Tukemons” of the real type and not virtual just as we step out of the house. I feel ridiculously bad when I see the freshly painted Yellow-black road dividers smeared with pan tainted Red in roads and highways of Mumbai.  Similarly the E-Toilets along the highways have still not prevented many to urinate on the side of the roads in the open! Any amount of cleaning is not going to make a place clean if this kind of atrocities continue.

Ergo, while “Capacity building” is progressing well as I mentioned earlier, “Character building” is lagging behind. And for that we have nobody else than ourselves to blame. As a country it is our collective failure that we put “a clean surrounding” as least in our priorities even now when supposedly the literacy and economic well-being are on the up.  A state like Kerala which is high on literacy is also among the cleanest states in the country. However when I see what happens in Mumbai which is a fairly literate metropolis, I have come to the conclusion that literacy has no bearing on Swachhata!! It is one’s attitude towards keeping common places clean which finally matters.

I do feel that by 2019, the Government may very well achieve the targets it set for itself in terms of toilets,…,… but cleanliness may still elude perhaps even till 2050. For Swachh Bharat Mission to succeed while the Government works on Sochalays, “We the people” have to work on our Soch!!! And that Soch is – “Swachh Bharat Abhiyan is not about cleaning, but ending the need for cleaning”!

Postscript:  Heard somewhere “Don’t know if we will become a Swachh Bharat, but we are already a “Cess Bharat”😁😁

 

 

A day of Digital Detoxing!!!

It’s not very often that I tune into FM Radio while driving. That space is usually kept for Indian Classical music, Ilayaraja and of late Kishore Kumar. A chance tuning to Red FM 93.5 a few days back spurred an idea which caught my imagination. The station amidst bajaoing the likes of the highly repulsive ‘baby ko bass pasand hai’ and its ilk, was filling in with a new segment called “Prayaas” which they explained was an attempt to create awareness on social causes. So that day’s Prayaas was devoted to what they called as the “digital” disease and described with a funny song how people have fallen into the “Digital Trap” in almost all walks of life. Aimed to be funny, it was thought provoking!

Coming to think of it, it’s a fact that most of the urban and semi urban population world over is today suffering from this “Digitalitis”! It’s an ailment which involuntarily spread itself with technology – first the internet and now the smart phone. Reams or rather terabytes have been consumed on how a day in the life of a human being has changed with the advent of the smart phone, on how a smart phone has made a person dumb and so on. Like the other day in a Coffee shop, one saw a lone guy. No big deal, right? But the surprise thing was he was not checking his phone. And was not on his laptop either. Was just sipping and enjoying his coffee. Somebody commented that he must be a psychopath😄😄. Today, a guy just sitting and having his coffee without being in the “Digital space” cannot be anything else!!!

In these days of waking into your smart phone and closing your eyes in the night after checking and responding to the last messages in the myriad groups in WhatsApp, what happens if you shut yourself “Digitally” for a day? A day of Digital Detoxing??? So that was yesterday for me when I decided to go back to the pre-smart phone days. That means – no WhatsApping even Good morning messages or indulging in weekend banter in at last count 46 groups😄😄. Not logging into Facebook even for greeting friends on Birthdays which I do very religiously now. (For a person who is bad at remembering dates, knowing the Birthdates of near and dear thro FB is a Godsend). No Tweeting, not even the usual satirical one liners (pakau stuff for some)! And no checking the phone now and then (as per the wife – every half a second!!) for business e mails!! And certainly no blogging😄😄

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Having decided to go through this, the first step was to announce this proudly to the wife. (Lest she should not think that her man is not well the whole day😜😜). The immediate reaction was in predictable lines. “One full day of Digital Detoxing??? No Chance”!! I challenge that you cannot cross even few minutes forget a day and all😜” Thoughts of all the past challenges with the wife which you invariably lost came to the mind! But I still muster courage and reaffirm my resolve to be detoxed. So what was my experience???

First up, the digital detox day started off with a bad omen. The tyranny of the I-phone battery ensured that the battery was drained out completely when I got up. So may be that was a good omen!!! After putting it up for charging, I touched my phone only to answer few calls whole of the day! And as an extension to the detox programme, the laptop was firmly entrenched in its bag!

The Omen – Good or Bad notwithstanding, the experience was not bad at all. Not only did I withstood for 12 hours, but went beyond that as well.  It certainly helped that it was a weekend and hence could afford to put away the phone in a corner of the drawing room. Of course there were temptations to check messages in WhatsApp but could resist without much ado.  When you don’t have to catch up with messages in the many WA groups in the early morning, you could get back to the youth habit of reading the newspaper from the “Mast head” to the “printed and published by,…” line. Oops nowadays it is from “one ad for a smart phone” to “another one for an Ecom sale”😄😄. No checking the phone while in signals or traffic jams which is an instinctive thing to do nowadays. Same while waiting in check-out counters while shopping! Could engage with banters with the wife and the daughter without interruptions. The banter went on and on that the wife felt that the regular day was better😄😄. The eyes which get moist in usual days staring most of the time on the laptop screen and straining on mobile screen felt relaxed. From multi-tasking (which is what you end up doing when you are working on the phone all the time) to single tasking, the day was more relaxing I felt.

Couple (only😄) of my friends called to check if all’s well with me – since they didn’t see the 2 blue ticks against messages sent to me over WA all through the day!

By evening, the sister called to check if there was some major fight with the wife at home. (Incidentally the wife also gave a miss to the regular Good morning message yesterday!!!). I had to convince the sister that the situation was quite the opposite – hopefully😄😄

Otherwise nothing much was missed! Today morning, could pick up the thread easily and move on. So maybe I should do it more often. And may be one day isn’t enough to feel the difference. So, to my fellow travelers in the digital age, do try this “digital detoxing”! But please inform your folks in advance that you are on Digital Detoxing😄😄 I will, certainly the next time which is most likely to be for a week!

Postscript:  In Chennai, I came across a restaurant where the patrons have to leave the mobile phones behind in lockers. Last heard – its doing well with the wives😄😄

Ki, Ka & Family!!!

Adman turned filmmaker Balki’s latest outing as his previous ones treads into unchartered territory in Bollywood. This post is not a review of the film but about its narrative. So, I’m not getting into rating of the film which anyway as per me was far better than his earlier work – Shamitabh. In this one, Balki through the male protagonist attempts to remove the differentiation of the “lings” in Hindi language namely स्त्रीलिंग (streeling) feminine and पुल्लिंग (pulling) masculine. I can pretty much understand as to where Balki is coming from. Like most of us from the South of Vindhyas probably Balki also found it difficult to figure out where to use Ka and Ki while conversing in Hindi😂. So getting rid of these “lings” would be a thing most of us will welcome!

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But the film is not about any reform in Hindi but about a new form of relationship between an urban couple.  For the benefit of those who gave this Ki and Ka a miss, here’s the premise of the storyline where the film attempts to break established gender stereotypes. (You may like to watch the trailer here which would sum up the premise better) The man sits at home as a house husband while the woman pursues her career ambitions and is the one “pulling” the strings of the purse that is. The man cooks, cleans, does the household chores and also satiates the sexual needs of the wife adequately while his wife is engaged in drawing up boardroom strategies to sell her company’s products as a marketing pro. All this voluntarily and not out of forced circumstances. Now this is a new hatke formulation for Indian society and a Bollywood film – one which instantly brings smiles on the faces of urban women. In one stroke, Balki has earned the fandom of millions of women by making “Ki” (lady) the actual “Ka”(Man)!

So far so good. However in reality, if ones looks at the timeline of relationships between couples atleast in urban India, there has been a gradual progression but one that has still not reached Balki’s make believe stage yet. The evolution in society has been like this. In our grandparents’ times, the role definitions were very clear. The man (husband) is supposed to be the bread winner and is the protector of the family. The lady (wife) did all the work at home as a house wife and was generally subdued. These were the unchallenged “Ka” times! As literacy and family income levels increased, women became slightly more empowered. The next was the generation where the role clarity became hazy. While the husband continued to earn and be the head of the family, the wife apart from taking care of the house, also did her bit in enhancing the family income. So this was the era of the “Super Woman” who was still subdued at home. Though the wife was equally involved in earning money, somehow at home she was still expected to handle everything right from the kitchen to children’ studies. Still the “Ka” era. The next generation – probably the current one is where I guess things are more balanced. Both the husband and wife are equally well educated, ambitious about their respective careers and at home they just simply outsource the work. Or the husband grudgingly or otherwise plays ball to share work. Actually the “Ki and Ka” times.  (I must hasten to add that some of the above situations referred to in historical context exist even today. I’ve just referred to the trend)

Now what Balki has shown in the film is his fantasy of a “Ki” Era. An era where the woman is completely emancipated. Now the question is – Is this the future? Will we be seeing more and more men preferring to be house husbands willingly and would women take it as their comeuppance?? One doesn’t know.

But if one analyses all the above formulations, it is abundantly clear that the dominant “Ka” era is on the wane. The dominant “Ki” era is still a fantasy and would be in all probability fraught with its own dangers.  It would seem that the one which can work is the “Ki and Ka” formulation. However I have another construct in mind. Which is the “Ki, Ka & family” formulation. Where the husband and wife take care of the earnings part, share the household work and at the same time teach the children to embrace household chores and do their bit willingly. The best process of coaching is always the demonstrative process. When a child sees his dad cleaning up a shelf on weekends, he tends to pick this as a habit when he grows up. Apart from being demonstrative, I believe it is equally important to let children do the work instead of being too protective. In my experience I’ve seen that behind most misogynistic men have been indulgent parents. This is wonderfully demonstrated in the Award winning #sharetheload commercial of Ariel. Watch it here. Where the old father rues the fact that he never helped his wife –in her household work and that his son in law who is seen ordering around would have also not witnessed his dad helping at home!! And commits himself to share the load henceforth in household work. Now there can be no better news than this for any woman for whom Newspaper, TV and now mobile phones are sworn enemies for life😃😃.

“Can you please stop typing away to glory and share the load here?  It’s the wife at home. “Yes, coming!!!” is my loud war cry. Followed by, “Beta, put off the TV and come to the kitchen. See what appa is doing”!!!😃😃

So for me it’s not “Ki” or “Ka” or even “Ki and Ka”. It has to be “Ki, Ka & family”👍👍👍